were written by
A girl
The past few days have actually been okay. The past few days I haven't felt so much like falling down, but rather like learning to rebuild and finally learning to live. Work has been okay. Overall, I really love my job. It's not like I wanna' work at a retail store for the rest of my days, but it's not often that one struggling college kid finds a job that they truly like to go to. Everyone I work with is so great (with the big exception of one.) These past 2 days have been our grand reopening. It's a huge deal to everyone in the company, and all the employees from the big wigs on down to us common folk are really happy. Even tho the store is utter chaos, the mood is light and everyone is smiling. I don't tell a lot of people or let a lot show, but there are some people and some relationships in my life that I miss more and more everyday. I wonder a lot if there is a big place where all the broken friendships, and broken dreams, and maybe even broken people can go to get fixed. Maybe that is what awaits us at the end of every rainbow.. always in sight, but just out of reach. I called Steph the other nite for the first time in at least 2 months. Needless to say, things have changed between us. And maybe it was my naivete in believing that things would never change between us that has me so... sad. To make a long story short, I went and saw her and we hugged and we cried.. and we rejoiced in the fact that even after 2 months of no contact, we still KNOW eachother. I think we each carry a piece of the other with us. We are always connected. Sara immed me last nite. For as long as I can remember, Sara has been my star.. my light on the darkest midnite. She feels lost, and all I had to say was "me too." In many ways, it's so reassuring to know that any time of day or nite, any season, any reason.. I can turn to Sar, and Sar to me. But a huge part of me is missing without her.. without REALLY knowing her... the way I used to. If I ever get to the end of that rainbow, Sara is the first one I'll wish for. I took a walk the other nite. The weather is turning cold in San Diego, and it was that perfect blend between cool and warm.. and I put my dog on his leash and just.. walked. I was alone with thoughts. And I thought of Steph. And Sara. And the fact that a lot of times, I feel like I have no one left to turn to, and confide in, and cry to. I thought of Adam. And how maybe, just MAYBE I can do something right. Saying I can't wait to hang with Adam would be the biggest understatement ever. I sent him messages and he sent me stars. Maybe.. he IS my star. Today is Natalie's (my sister) 4th birthday. I woke up this AM to her opening my door and telling me to wake up. She had that childlike light in her eyes that said "Today is MY day. Today I am what matters." And she is. I look at her and see all that is right in the world. Today, *I* will look at the world thru her eyes.. the eyes of my favorite 4 year old on her birthday. THAT'S what matters. Happy Birthday Nat. You're my star. Currently reading: My sister's eyes Listening to: Fortune Favors the Brave from Aida Thinking of: being 4 again -*-*-*- 27 Oct 02 that it is part of the destiny of the human race in its gradual improvement to leave off eating animals.." -HD Thoreau 
|