were written by
A girl
I looked at the clock. It was 0332. Had I even slept? I knew I'd closed my eyes, but I was unsure about how long I'd been lying there. I was unsure about a lot. Earlier in the day, I opened a Clif bar, took one bite, and threw the rest away. The only piece of food I was about to eat lay untouched in the trash. I was sick to my stomach. I still am. I'm literally driving myself crazy. The same thoughts run thru my head minute after fucking minute. Where is he? Is he here yet? Was that the phone I just heard? I pick up my phone and look at it.. STARE at it.. willing it to ring, begging it to ring. I put it down, only to pick it up again 5 minutes later.. as if doing this will somehow cause him to call. How can boys be so fuckin' oblivious? Does he even realize that my hands shake when my phone rings.. or that my heart feels like it's about to explode inside my chest? Does he know that I lay with my head in my hands at nite praying that I haven't misjudged someone yet AGAIN? It's been 6 days. Six. And maybe I'm overreacting.. it definitely wouldn't be a first. Maybe he's 100 miles from the CA border and his heart is beating like a fuckin' drum at the thought of getting here. Maybe he ran into bad weather, or ran out of gas. Maybe he overslept in a hotel room somewhere in the midwest.. or maybe he's just taking his time. I go thru each day thinking.. "Maybe it's today." I drive down the street and I actually look for his car. Maybe he'll be the person next to me in traffic.. or the person behind me in the store. Maybe.. just maybe.. *I* need to have more faith. I lie awake. I drive myself crazy. I drive myself crazy thinking of you.. Currently reading: The Vegan Sourcebook Listening to: Loudermilk - Estrogen, Oxygen, Aches in the teeth again Thinking of: ... -*-*-*- 26 Nov 02 that it is part of the destiny of the human race in its gradual improvement to leave off eating animals.." -HD Thoreau 
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